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Good morning ‘Camp’ers.

Thought I’d bring you an alternative look at the tube population characteristics and the fab news as provided in the metro. Will have a little joke ‘with’ certain minorities and some risqué alternative interpretations of behaviour and attire.

First off a little news story that had me chuckling this morning. ‘Driver banned for being Gay’, you think it would be for speaking loudly on the mobile in a camp voice and repeatedly ‘Marrrvvvelllloouuus’ ing. But no, a Sicilian omi-palone chucked out of the army (spoil sports) was being checked out for his suitability to drive (just take the f’ing mobile off him). Judge says it’s OK but described homosexuality as a ‘personality disturbance’, is that all, I’ve had loads of them and I wouldn’t have a friend without at least 3?

I was people watching on the tube on the way to work. The idea was to look for smashing blouses and kinky boots for the boys, but I found myself concentrating more on hands and lips. I think I was having a ‘personality realignment’, aren’t those little hands and pouting lips fab. Just think what they could do boys.

Only 14 charges for Saddam, I thought he’d done loads of people in not just 14!

Keeping the news on the driving theme. Judge says ‘raise driving age to 24’, after banning an 18 year old lad from driving for 5 years. ‘At 24 you may just be suitable to sit behind the wheel of a car’. Does that mean that it should be another 5 years until he could start it up?

We recently had the policeman ‘testing’ his car at 159 mph getting off last week (it wasn’t over me), today we see PC Yates getting a two-month ban for 95 mph. The idiot told the truth, he was in a hurry and ‘his partner wanted a good nights sleep’. ‘His Gay partner had a terrific headache after suffering homophobic taunts about cottage action from his female DI - a dominatrix type character’ would have been better. He’d have got a commendation and a faster car, only 95 ffs. I could camp on 3 mobiles at 95.

I did try and look at shoes for the girls, but my heart wasn’t in it. They just wouldn’t look good at size 11. I picked up 'Ms London' at the Dilly and smiled at the foreign boy.

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